scattered, smothered, and covered

First, you need to know that since we were married and started TTC, we've both gone up 1-2 pant sizes.

Two weekends ago, and much to our horror, we spent an entire Sunday afternoon at the outlet mall buying fat pants (we were horrified by the "mall" part. I kind of like the "outlet" part). Having survived the Public and the Shoppers and the Dressing Rooms, we consoled ourselves with Taco Bell.

Since our last BFN and the resulting forced break to decide what to do next, we've adopted an exercise plan. This entails long walks (and sometimes jogs) in the evening during which we keep our minds distracted by discussing our baby options in exciting and excruciating detail. And we are TORN. Pulled in a million directions. IVF? DFCS? PCOS? (our concern with S's body) Options without acronyms (international adoption, lie and say one of us is a "single" woman)? Minds scattered. Hearts pulled. And we just don't know.

We have a one-on-one consultation with Dr. IVF next Friday. I've joined just about every adoption forum out there and have posted pleas for more information. Being a geek from way back, I kind of enjoy the researching and the finding out of things. But mostly I'd like us to be on our way. On whatever path is going to be the right one for our family.

In the meantime, I'll have some ice cream in bed with my love, enjoy my new, roomier pants, and ask that those who know please share any info on how lesbians or "single" women can successfully complete a domestic adoption of an infant or toddler.

Thanks.

In NYC drinking an entire pot of coffee

Yep, it was a BFN.
Found out Thursday, just before my flight took off. AWKWARD as I pretended I was OK and the business man next to me pretended to be reading the paper. S and I are going to take a very long walk this weekend and figure out what we want to do next. I can't help but think of that Sarah Sliverman line, "Everyone knows that the best time to get pregnant is when you're a black teenager."* Damn. If I had only planned a little better.


*Wrong in so many ways, I know. But I love an equal opportunist, and since Sarah spreads the wrongness across all of god's children, I'm OK with it.

Guess who's having twins?

Not us. (yet?)
Doogie Howser, MD!!!
He and his hot boyfriend knocked up a surogate.
I am wondering if he is likely to give us the extra one*....

*kid, not surogate

When did I become the sap who cries at butterflies and deoderant commercials?

I am having trouble keeping it together. This morning I cried backing out of the driveway when there was a car behind me. In real life, I suck it up and tough it out. In TTC life, I cry at poorly parked cars.

We are in the second week of the TWW. Last night we went to an IVF information seminar. The doctor leading the program could most kindly be described as Southern. However, she was also informative and she did answer all of my questions. Unfortunately, she also confirmed that if this cycle doesn't work out as we hope and we would like to continue to use my body, I'll need to have a second surgery (polyp removed) and move on to IVF. I still don't know why I find that so S-A-D. It's not really sad. Having no options would be sad. But we do have options. We have the surgery and IVF. We have S's body. We have the various adoption routes we've looked into. And as another blogger brilliantly pointed out, we could always move to Massachusetts where they have mandated IVF coverage (actually, we would probably love MA, if it wasn't so damn cold...but I'd have to learn to spell it first).

In other news:

• Remember how I spent all of last month cursing the progesterone? Yeah, almost no symptoms this month. Just a tad of the burps and heartburn, but nothing like the offensive onslaught of truckstop behavior that was last month.
  
• Our little ex-feral kitty who typically wants nothing to do with me is suddenly braving my presence and checking in on me on a regular basis. Maybe he senses the sad? or a little peanut?
  

And the moral of the story is...

...don't let your radiologist interpret your HSG results. Or maybe it's just, take a deep breath and try not to dive off the deep end.

Things still kind of suck, what with my 1 wonky tube (right tube blocked but OB thinks it could have been a spasm or "debris" that could potentially be cleared without surgery...but no guarantee), 1 wonky ovary (right side looks like it's down for the count...no egg-like activity observed to date...and even with the meds I only have 1 follicle on the left side this month), and 1 wonky uterus (definitely have a polyp, but it's only measuring 5mm, which is considered within the watch and wait category...if it reaches 10mm, it has to be removed).

But we're a go for this month. Insem #1 was this morning.

Good news: Dr OB claims women with one tube and one ovary can get knocked up.
Bad news: I believe her, but were the tube and ovary on opposite sides and were the women paying $5k a month just to play the game?

Bad news: After close to a year of monitoring and not missing a beat, CBFM did not pick up my peak this morning (even with a trigger shot yesterday).
Good news: Dr OB had me POAS at the office and I got a smiley face.

Good news: We picked the sp.rm donor of the gods and the whole office was impressed with our (or I guess that would be his) 85% motility.
Bad news: Some of the sample came out during the insem (what??) and I am now stuck with an instead cup in a hard to reach place until this evening.

Anyone else naseous from the roller coaster ride?