On the road again

Plans have been changed. Again.
Maybe things have come full circle, maybe we've just taken a long, winding road. The kind that makes you nauseous. And leaves your stomach in your throat. But either way, we're here. On the other side. And on this side, we found the two things we lost along the way:
hope and excitement

Yesterday, we met with an adoption agency. That openly works with gay people.
Yesterday, we mailed in our paperwork and our (first) check.
Today, we are officially registered and beginning the (open) adoption process.

When S and I first started talking about having children, we were set on adopting from Guatemala. We were SO EXCITED. But we were also young (well, as young as you can be when you're pushing middle age) and about to face some pretty tough challenges in our relationship. By the time we got our shit together, Guatemala had closed the door on ALL adoptions (don't get me started on my feelings on that). And then we went to every MaybeBaby, GrowYourFamily, Help!We'reLesbians seminar in our general area. And the adoption obstacles seemed IMMENSE. And S had health insurance and I didn't and we had a pretty willing donor who looked suspiciously quite a bit like me and we had NO IDEA how hard it was to get knocked up so we commenced with some fumbling, at-home, "live" tries with S's body. No dice. We looked into adoption again - this time with an eye on Bulgaria. And decided it wasn't the right time (lying to adopt as a single woman was not something we wanted to do). So I bought insurance and the medical circus began. And after three strikes (bad ovary, bad tube, bad uterus) we looked into open adoption. And here we are.

I can't say I don't still shed a few tears over other people's pregnancy stories (This one totally got me today...loooove her writing, so jealous of her pregnancy). And then feel guilty over my negative feelings about someone else's happiness. But despite the neuroses I should probably seek therapy over, I'm pretty damn happy about our current plan. Excited even. And hopeful that we're 2 steps closer to our 3 (or 4) person family.