Things are pretty quiet 'round here now....
(10 bonus points if you know what song that is from)
S and I have been having a rough time of it. As we tend to do. The story is long and complicated. We unpacked some boxes of old hurt and let some fights go too far. Now we're recovering. There is definitely some good that came out of all of it, as we are being more gentle and sweet with each other. But it's just too bad it had to come to that.
I've sort of been a late bloomer in all aspects of my life and I was under the (false) impression that if I waited until I was older/more therapized/wiser/established/etc I would have a better relationship with my partner. Not true. I am definitely older and more therapized and possibly wiser and more established than I was in my 20s, but even approaching my 40s, this relationship stuff is hard!
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it *is* hard, and the ttc/ttadopt stuff doesn't make it any easier, that's for sure.
ReplyDeletewhen sugar and i were first together, one half of a long-established gay couple who had both known me a long time pulled her aside for a lot of fierce, fatherly advice. the thing i remember him saying is, "be kind to each other. ranny and i have been together 35 [?] years, and it's *only* because we have been *kind*." i try to keep that in mind, especially when things aren't easy. not that it's earth-shattering advice, but it is a little different from the more directive ideas i've heard from other people, and coming from this particular man, it is a good reminder for me that even great relationships depend on mindfulness sometimes.
Oh man, those fights are the worst. For us, they start with a small issue, turn into a big issue, and then all this hurt and anger and bad feeling comes out, and it's not until two hours later when we're both emotionally exhausted and I'm dehydrated from crying that we get back to "I love you so much... let's never do this again... none of this is important." But a few months later, it can come up again, always for the same reasons. It's tough.
ReplyDeleteYou two are both so right! Thanks for the advice. Our new thing is to treat each other and our relationship as something precious - at - all - times. Even when we're mad. So far so good.
ReplyDeletei've been catching up on my reader, so this comment is a bit late. i just wanted to say, yes, it IS hard. i hope you guys have worked through some of this stuff over the last week.
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