Slipped through our fingers

And just like that the roller coaster is over. The birth mother we were working with has not responded to emails (1 from us, multiple from agency) and phone calls (1 from us, multiple from agency). Our adoption counselor recommended we unmatch. She is processing the paperwork right now.

We are grateful for so many things:

• That she didn't change her mind *after* she placed the baby with us
  
• That this process of matching and unmatching has been relatively quick and we can be placed back in circulation after just a few weeks and not after several months
  
• That we didn't get to know her and form a strong emotional bond with her only to have to let her and her baby go
  

We are also sad. Really, really, really sad. Let's face it, even with my whole grateful list, it's not all easy peasy. I'm in a hotel room, getting ready for a work meeting. I wish I was home for this part. For the sad. But I'm in Miami (then Chicago, then San Diego, then home to get the nursery ready...except not. So really, home to eat lots and lots of chocolate). It's been so fun dreaming and scheming with S about everything from car seats to college graduations (OK, we got a little ahead of ourselves). I even got the, um, milkmaids up and running. I'm not quite sure what to do with them now. Just stop the dom.peridone cold turkey?

Also? Last minute hospital placement? You know I'm not going to be able to let that idea go.