Remember

• Remember the baby shower I didn't go to? That baby turned 1 last week. I went to his birthday party. It was awesome. He is awesome. I see him pretty often - we particularly enjoy reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear together. But I'm still glad I ditched that baby shower.
• Remember when we signed up for open adoption and were all excited to get our profile posted? That was 10 months ago. The depressing path is to follow that with the number of months spent on our home study/profile/etc (9.5) and the number of months months spent trying to have a baby (12). But the more exciting path to follow is the one where our agency called us this week about a potential match. Yay!
• Remember that saying, nothing goes as planned? The call from the adoption agency was about a toddler that a mother wants to place. I'll keep most of the details private, except that she has other (older) children and there is a divorce involved. Needless to say, I have a lot of feelings about the whole situation. I don't know much about her and am trying to remember that she is doing what she thinks is best for her child. It's hard though, when you've fought so hard for so long to have kids. Aside from the roller coaster of emotions, we're just waiting to hear more from the agency. I am very interested in learning more. I am very nervous. I am very, very, very sad for that child (and that whole family). It is a little interesting that I wanted to pursue foster care in the beginning but S didn't feel comfortable (she felt it would be too heartbreaking to give them back, especially if we didn't feel they were going back to a safe place). And now this is feeling very foster-to-adopt-ish, except that once the child is placed in our care, we just have to wait a matter of days (not months or years) for it to be official. But that's jumping too far ahead. Today, just remember this little baby that is living in chaos and hope he is well cared for now and in the future.