Countdown: 4 weeks: The big surgery to-do list

4 weeks until I'm the proud recipient of some real live health insurance.

I work in healthcare. And I don't have any. And I will keep my thoughts about the US healthcare system to myself. For now.

Despite the politics of it all, I am SO EXCITED. And nervous. I am very very nervous because so many things have to happen. And not only happen, but turn out well.

• HR has to process my health insurance forms correctly so that my coverage actually starts on October 1 (no small feat)
• My lady bits, which can't grow babies, but can grow fibroids! and polyps! and dermoids! have to still be a good candidate for a myomectomy
• My doctor has to have an opening in late october and agree to book my procedure
• My insurance has to pre-auth and pay for my procedure
• I can't develop any pre-op complications
• My doctor has to be able to get the fibroids and the polyp out in one procedure, and declare my uterus fixed and ready for baby makin'
• I can't develop any post-op complications

Then comes 3 months of recovery and a much longer IVF to-do list. But I'll save that for another day.

Fingers crossed!

Second. Best. Website. Ever.

S is definitely the gay man in our relationship. She is the go to person for design questions, matters of aesthetics, and a bitchy retorts. (Also, sometimes she is also a big ol' queen, but that's another story.) I, on the other hand, am the practical one. I can't tell you the difference between ochre and amber, but I can tell you where to get the best deal on your paint.

Anyway, we're doing some house updating and I've been trying to help with the choosing-of-the-new-colors. My brain hurts.

Enter this.

Hello magic color matcher thingy. I love this place. So pretty! So easy! Everything looks good together and I don't even have worry my pretty little head over what goes together.

You're welcome.

And if you want to know the first best website ever, you can find it here.

Home study renewal...it's a process

Oh ditzypants, what would our home study be with out you?
(likely, a more enjoyable experience)

Phone rings.
Ditzypants: Hi. I'm on your street but I can't find your house. Which side of the street is it on?
Me: Well, that depends where you're coming from.
Ditzpants: I'm at the intersection of your street and your cross street.
Me (looking outside): Well, again, that depends which way you're coming from, but do you drive a grey car?
Ditzypants: Yes.
Me: I can see your car. Just turn around, we're the brick house on the opposite corner.
*Much conversation ensues and after another 10 minutes, she arrives at our house*

Home study interview begins.
Ditzypants: So, this is a home study renewal?
Us: Yes.
Ditzypants: Have you heard from any birth mothers in the last year?
Us: Yes, two.
Ditzypants: Wow! That's terrific! What amazing news! I'm so happy for you!
Me in my head: Are you kidding me? Do you not know how this story ends? Do you see any babies in this house?

Scene.

Anniversary. The "fuck, this-again?" kind.

It's here (well, in a few days). The anniversary of our home study and when our adoption profile went live. I'm kind of...jaded. I have my sad days. And my hopeful days. But mostly, I'm kind of numb. I definitely have my jealous days. And my ragefull it's-not-fair days. And my happy daydreaming days. But sometimes, I'm just really, really over it. Not over the wanting kids - the wanting to be a parent. But over the waiting and wondering. Over the stupid agency. Over the emotional roller coaster.

Here are some stats on our first 12 months with a live profile:

• We were directly contacted by 4 birth mothers
• 1 never called us back
• 1 was not actually pregnant
• 2 were matches
• Our hard-copy profile was sent out by our agency 56 times (that doesn't include the 3 months that they forgot to keep stats. However, it does include the multiple times that they sent it to potential birth families that did not match our "profile")
• There are 411 families listed with our agency (as of today) and we are number 182 (which doesn't mean anything, really, since this is not the local starbucks and we are not in line waiting our turn)
• We started "trying" (one way or another) just 1 month shy of 3 years ago
• We feel more prepared to be parents now than we did 3 years ago
• I feel less hopeful, now, that we will be parents than I did 3 years ago
• We recently moved to a "good" school district, even though we don't actually have any children

Here's to this list looking very, very different in August 2013....