Induced Lactation: Revisited

In October of 2011, we were contacted by a birth mother about a potential placement. I started an accelerated protocol for induced lactation in the hopes of breastfeeding our new baby. I followed the pill regimen for about 3 months and started pumping in late December. Our match fell through in early January when the birth mother changed her mind about placement and I stopped the protocol completely.

So, for an entire year, I've kept that little stash of breast milk in the freezer.

We are moving on Saturday, and as I packed up the kitchen this morning I thew away those little bags I worked so hard to create. I'm a little sad. But with adoption and IVF planning in full force, I also feel hopeful about the future. I am proud of the dedication I put into induced lactation...pumping every 3 hours, pills 4 times a day, washing all those damn little pump parts. It is weird to look back. The first day I started bagging/saving milk was December 29, 2011 (less than 1 oz - I pumped for several days before I actually started saving). The last day I pumped and bagged was January 6, 2012 (almost 4 oz - I think, measuring on those bags never seemed to add up for me). In my mind, the protocol and the pumping went on foreverrrrr. But I guess it was only 9 days. At the time, I felt so discouraged...how could I feed a baby on less than 4 oz a day? But today, I can't even believe that my body quadrupled production in 9 days.

Sometimes I feel weird or ashamed about induced lactation. I haven't told many people IRL (and I certainly won't tell any of them I posted a picture of my milk on the internet!). I think those feelings are loosely related to feeling like an impostor mom as an adoptive mom (but that's another post for another day). But even with those feelings, I don't regret it one bit. Right now, one of my biggest hopes is that adoption and IVF work this year and I can bring all my babies home and breastfeed them together. I know that's a big wish, but I have my fingers crossed.