Surge! (and more bullets)

• I did finally get an LH surge on CD15. That's a little late for me, but considering all the damn pills I'm on, we'll call it normal
• I started estrogen patches (one every other day) on CD25 and ganirelix (one shot every night for three nights) on CD26
• I freaked out a little after reading up on the estrogen patches and all of the info on blood clots. You Will Get Blood Clots. Do Not Take This Medication If You've Had Clots. Oh, no big deal, me and my clotty clotness will just be in the corner injecting lovenox and hoping for the best
• CD1 was Monday and I go in for my baseline ultrasound tomorrow. In general, that makes me incredibly excited. Except....
• I lost my shit yesterday. I didn't realize how terrifying I would find IVF #2. I thought I was feeling good. I thought I was prepared. I know this is our last try but we have back up plans B, C, and D and I thought I was going to be zen about the whole thing. Not so. I am so scared to do this again. Because it is hard. And it hurts (mostly emotionally, but a little physically). And it has always ended poorly
• It does't help that work has been a nightmare and I've been putting in 12-14 hour days for weeks. And some of the people I'm working with are being beatches. And I'm generally just over it
• And it doesn't help that we had 3 weeks of ups and downs with a birth mother, including multiple calls with her and her mom, and plans to drive to their home town to meet them (at their insistence), which all ended very suddenly when we received a call from the mom (birth grandma) that they had decided to parent
• I owe a bunch of people Liebster responses and blog comments. I've just been overwhelmed with life. But, I'm hoping to get back to my regularly scheduled life soon. And back to things I enjoy, like all of your blogs (and mine too)